Thursday, March 12, 2009

BDL: more than you need to know.

BELLA DONNA 2009 roster.

#1 Elizabeth "hot body" Vu: older than you. d-line handler . homeowner. kinky. fan of the IO forehand break and beef jerky. vu is super quick and gets clutch d's . best running form.

#2 Jenny "bins" Gaynor: senior. d-line cutter. lone member of the 'jam drill' facebook fan club. funny, fast and fiscally responsible. demonstrates self-control and confidence during play. makes sick plays on o and d. generally, just really impressive.

#3 Laura "Buster Bear " Bitterman: junior. o-line cutter. Jew. faster than you. wittier than you. will foot block you and then score on you. thinks about chipotle burritos while toeing the line; bitterman makes it look effortless. catches anything within a ten mile radius. never has been 2nd in the stack, she's that good.

#4 Shira "Fro-yo" Klane: junior. Captain. handler . also a jew 4 lyfe. team photographer. thinks everyone is really pretty! shira is a positive presence on and off the field and never hesitates to give helpful advice. works hard on d and has sick throws.

#7 Frances "how to lose a guy in 10 days" Tsukano: senior. o-line cutter. expert lightning player. likes to wrestle mckain. traded her figure skates for cleats and now beats people deep everyday. will layout and catch anything in the endzone (and the rest of the field too). real graceful.

#8 Sarah "sweat pants" Offutt: 5th year. o-line handler . her sticky fingers allow her to catch anything. makes quick handler cuts and moves the disc well. dreams about edward cullen.

#9 Becca "i don't hate it" Ludford: freshman noob. d-line cutter. faster than you. wins the most awkward looking catches award. improves her level of play daily. will lay out for a disc this year and it'll be sicknasty. the next bitterman.

#10 Amber "Hives" Sinicrope: sophomore transfer. d-line handler . ok at ultimate. can shred any cup and break any mark. makes insane plays, lays out into fire ants. will break your water and you won't even notice. huge throws, huger ego.

#11 Erin "Moon time" Moran: sophomore. cutter/handler. the fuel for mckain's destruction, always. has really solid catches, but can't see anything without squinting. consistent cutter, has a possible future in handling? always makes to it practice on time, despite being on moon time.

#12 Reebs "Doogie Houser" Enders: freshman. Lefty handler . tallest player on bd. despite being the youngest bd player by about 10 years, she has giant backhands , and should use them more often. sneaky break flick throws and a great mark. consistently brings notes written by her parents to leave practice early. only elementary school student on a college ultimate team. fan of ice cream, stuffed animals, ponies and polly pocket.

#13Aimee "Marissa Cooper" Speaker: has been in college longer than you. d-line cutter. speaker is the living example of the "glass half full" philosophy. optimistic and friendly are key to describing her benevolent personality. speaker has nasty bids on defense and always strives to improve aspects of her play. fast cutter. really competitive . would rather watch all three extended versions of lord of the rings without blinking than do eight minute abs.

#14 Leah "Cheerleader" Alstad: sophomore. cutter . marathon runner. 800 workout champion. bobble head. when she's not getting ejected from grocery stores, leah will burn you in and bust your guts deep. loves butterflies, pikas, and the movie pocahontas.

#17 Emelie "shady piece of meat" Mckain: sophomore. Captain. o-line handler. borderline midget? winner of the "most unfortunate nick names" contest '09(well, you know what i mean). Breaks everything (mainly the mark, but also assorted dishes and glasses). Ridiculous layouts , amazing earlobes. Doesn't believe in gift giving during christmas .

#19 Kaitlyn "Georgia" Bosscher: senior. Captain. o-line cutter extraordinaire. eats babies for breakfast and her own dreads for lunch. Firmly denies ongoing rumor of a childhood sex change . huge pulls, giant layout d's, will sky you. can make the slowest, most unathletic person look like an all-star with her perfect hucks. always pretends to be really modest and morally in-check. callahan '09?

#21 Jingy"the glucose regulator" Koll: senior. cutter /handler. sarcastic? married to leonardo dicaprio for 3 glorious months. fan of christmas, rollercoasters and songs about wild horses. times her cuts perfectly and is always open. also has sick throws and works well as a handler .

#22 Kari "king of the grumblars" Rongstad: 5th year. d-line cutter . will contest your foul call. pen name- karla panda, breaking gender norms since 2008. Jumps high, runs fast and has huge throws . #1 advocate for sideline presence.

#24 Kay "look at my fingers" Powell: junior transfer as of january '09. d-line handler. Bella's newest addition. wears gloves and sunglasses, making her look like a female muffin, but kay is actually very modest and never speaks in third person. really consistent throws and smart decisions. she's only been playing with bella for a short time, but picked up our offense quickly and is really excelling as a handler.

#26 Rachael "spleen" Westgate: freshman. d-line cutter . unfaithful. typical coastie. always open with her smart cuts and textbook perfect throws . dominates popping in a zone O, when she doesn't have mono. will layout-d the shit out of you when you're not paying attention. if you're matched up against her you'll be humiliated, you should probably just quit now.

#27 Laura "Bow Wow's limo driver" Schott: sophomore transfer from MN. cutter. lefty . Faster than most people when she wants to be. consistent cutter with big backhand huck. Pays $35 a month for celebrity gossip texting. touched rihanna's hand once (best moment of her life).

#31 Maria "that'd be the way to go, hnnn guys?" Mahowald: junior. cutter/handler lives vicariously through flight of the concords. eats birdseed everyday. wishes she were native american. great in the air . her arms are probably ganglier than yours.

#37 Sandy "Stallion " Jorgensen: senior noob. d-line cutter. Played soccer and ran track at UW. Kind of athletic, a little bit tall and moderately fast. Born in a horse stable, raised eating hay and sugar cubes. Learned the art of jumping high and running fast while being chased by her brother Seabiscuit. unfortunately, Sandy was held back from the equestrian olympics for obvious reasons, but she is a champion show jumper in all of our hearts!

#99 Courtney "Nip rip" Kiesow:
5th year. that's el capitan to you. o-line cutter, and best in the nation. winner of the callahan '08. blade thrower and nude beach enthusiast. better than you at most things. wears sneakers with jeans, but pulls it off. will beat you in, deep and leave skid marks all over the field. oh yeah and sick bids all around

Holly "pajama pants" Greunke: coach. dog lover . bd alum , callahan runner-up in '07. eats junk food, calls lines, and invades personal space. thinking about settling down and creating a nice life with fly, her domestic partner.


Anonymous i don't hate it. said...

great work frances and affiliates!
ha very entertaining.

March 12, 2009 4:26 PM  

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